The Sailor's Daughter II

Alone

2009-01-25T21:52:00.003-08:00

It’s so hard to walk alone
But You ask me every time
As a stranger in the world
My steps are not in rhyme
My direction takes a different course
Often, all by myself
I live a life of solitude
Yet it is a life of wealth.

Of course, it’s hard to walk alone
But I go at my own pace
And I still enjoy the journey
And I still finish the race
The things of earth have no more ties
Nothing can keep me still
For I am walking towards a goal
Even if Alone is Your Will.

Help My Heart

2009-01-25T21:52:00.001-08:00

Help my heart stand strong
When all around me crumbles
Help me know right from wrong
When temptation bids me stumble
Give me the courage to face my fears
To brave the winds and rise above
Grant to me the answers, Lord,
Refill me with Your Love.

Keep from me the things You know
Pull me away from You
Allow only those ones which serve
To draw me closer into
The light of Your illumined face,
The center of Your will,
Hold my heart in Your hands, dear Lord,
And I will love You still.

Heartache

2009-01-25T21:50:00.000-08:00

You take my heart
And you teach it to love
You teach me what I
Am capable of.

Then you break it and bruise it,
You cut it to pieces
This sadness I feel
Abandonment; love ceases.

I need my heart, dear God,
Does it have to break?
I need my Spirit, dear Lord,
Must it always ache?

Must I never find
A true love for real?
Must I always be alone?
Will these wounds never heal?

I wanted to love,
Tried to give it a chance
But I struggled on beat
Trying too hard to dance

Now, I spin alone
Out of sync, out of mind
Take my heart, dear God,
Don’t let me fall behind.

Sometimes

2009-01-25T21:49:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I miss the silence of my heart’s heart.
My spirit screams, it needs to be alone
Sometimes I have this feeling I was meant for no one else
Sometimes I feel I’ve walked too far from home.
Sometimes the burden of my soul is heavy
It longs to grow wings and take its flight
To return to where it first learned what love was
In order for rebirth, for hope, for light.
Sometimes the darkness is just too foreboding
I try to open my eyes but I can’t see
Lord, can You hear my spirit calling?
If so, please…
Come and carry me.

While I Have This

2009-01-25T21:48:00.001-08:00

While I have this chance to live
Let me live it.
While I have this gift of love,
Let me give it.
While I have this moment
Called my own life
Let me burn with passion
Let me live it right.
While I have this treasure
Called simply, time,
Let it not pass
Till tomorrow is mine
Let me wake each day
With a reason to breathe
Let me cherish each moment
And each footprint I leave
May it mark the way
For another soul
To journey on a path
That leads to a goal
And while I have this chance
To be part of the earth,
Help me, dear God,
Live for what Your Love is worth.

Letter to A Lover

2008-08-17T20:30:00.000-07:00

My Love,

When at night, your body,

wrapped in mine

undulates,

I feel the waves in my heart

like an ocean,

tossed.

I feel the immense sea,

swallowing me up…

and I find myself

wanting

to drown in it

forever.

When, in the morning,

you kiss me

upon awaking,

and I realize

my bed is no longer the lonely place it used to be,

I am

aroused

by you, my Love.

In the future,

you will take me to romantic places—

Paris,

Venice,

Normandy…

but the most romantic moments I find with you

are when

I see nothing else around me

save your eyes,

those windows to your soul.

Your deep looking into my own

becomes a magnetic force,

drawing me

to you;

lifting my spirit up

out of myself,

and making me come

alive again.

Our love has been

uncomplicated,

and so many times

I have tried to make sense of that.

But you set me straight

with your simple words,

your handsome smile,

your touch,

and your spirit.

Your heart is open still,

I know…

our Creator has put within it

the love

that has kept my own heart

alive,

the love

that leaves me wanting

your love.

And wanting more…

and more…

and more…of you.

I love you.

Distance

2008-07-26T00:28:00.000-07:00

My Love,
Do not hold it against me
When I tell you
I need my solitude
My Silence
My Self.
Do not call me selfish
For distancing myself from you.
I am not taking away my love.
But letting it expand
In my heart
In my self.
When I am alone in my silence,
My solitude,
I realize then
That I need you.
Yet when I am with you,
Sometimes, I don't see that.
How much I need you.
In those times,
I need to step away
Away from you
Away from the world
Away from everything.
So that I may return
A better lover
A better friend
A better me
And better for you.
So do not hold it against me
For staying in this quiet moment
This lonely place
For when I do,
I long to return
To you in full
And when I do,
You'll know my love.
You'll know,
My Love.

Drawn

2008-06-12T21:12:00.000-07:00

I am drawn to the heat of Your Love

Like an artist draws his grand piece

I am drawn to the warmth of your light

Like the earth, when it draws on the seas.

I am drawn to the kiss of your lips

Like a moth is drawn to a flame

I am drawn to the heat of your passion

Like a warrior is drawn to the fray.

I am drawn to the needs of your ache

Like a mother is drawn to her young

I am drawn; am consumed by your beauty

Like the moon is ever drawn to the Sun.

But You Do

2008-06-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

You don’t have to love me, but You do

You don’t have to want me, yet You do.

You don’t have to make my life this

Work of art that it’s become, but You do.

…and I thank You.

Thank You for loving me, just the way I am

I’ve traveled far, yet always come back home

Because I can

Because You’ve given me this place inside your heart

With You, it’s been perfect from the start

…and I thank You.

Silence Speaks

2008-06-12T21:10:00.000-07:00

Silence speaks to me in something

Like a shattered drop of dew

Splashing wetness and revealing

That there is more to dream; to do

Silence speaks to me like thunder

Booming through its absent voice

Still for awhile; yet I can hear it

Asking me to make a choice.

Moments

2008-06-12T21:09:00.000-07:00

If I look back on the past, there is much hurt there

If I look toward the future; I am blind

And so, I live only in this moment

For it is here that I always find

He gives enough love for my quivering heart

He gives enough grace for my feeble knees

He knows all my weaknesses; better, my strengths

He knows all the moments I need.

Small Petition

2008-06-12T21:08:00.000-07:00

Lord, another day has risen

Let the sun climb high into the sky

Lord, another day has given

Reason to my life, to my heartcry.

Let me never wander from the light

Thrust me into where you’ll have me be

Another day for serving and for living

Another day for learning to love Thee.

Alone...and Free!

2008-06-12T21:07:00.002-07:00

When there is no one left to call,

The telephone, it hardly rings

The silence is unusual,

For I have seared attachment strings

I lie awake, in silence, thinking

Of what it’s like to be alone

Too many years, I have spent like this

In solitude, and far from home.

Direction comes from inner feelings

Of warmth that no human form can give

In the quietness, truth speaks softly

Of what it really means to live.

Independent—free, at last!

Free to be what I’m made for

Free to let go of my past

And free to love once more.

Take Me Now

2008-06-12T21:07:00.001-07:00

Take me now, as I am nothing

Lead me where You need me be

In humility, I kneel, surrendered

To Your highest Will for me.

Grant of me that I may offer

This gift to You; my last small tears

All I have left, I surrender

Life has stripped my finest years

And yet, this cup, not passed from me

I drink, refilled with Hope Divine

Surrender to You is true freedom

And all You have, You have made mine.

So take me now; this cup is empty

Take me, ever forward, still

This prayer is to be surrendered

Break me; make me what You will.

(8 Dec. 2007)

Lover's Whisper

2008-06-12T21:06:00.001-07:00

From the silence of my breaking heart,

From pieces torn and scattered far,

I try to find some sense, some beauty

Inside, I wonder where You are.

If You were here, I’d not be broken

If You were here, I’d not be pained

If I could hear the words You’ve spoken,

Perhaps my heart would not be maimed.

And then, I feel Your arms around me

Before Your lips kiss my tear-stained cheek

“Your beauty comes from being broken,”

Are the strange words I hear You speak.

“Had you been whole, and not so shattered,

Had you been strong, and not like this,

Had you been steady, not so scattered,

You would not know my deepest kiss.”

My Happy Place

2008-06-12T21:04:00.001-07:00

Night by night

Where shadows dim

Beneath the Light

Try to sink in,

You lead me where

The twilight ends

And a sunrise beams

When dawn descends.

My darkest hour

Never too bleak

It’s there I find

The Voice I seek

It’s where I know

You face to face

Where Night becomes

My Happy Place.

For a Foolish Lover

2008-06-12T21:03:00.001-07:00

Last night, I dreamed it was your face

Only, we were in another place

And in your hand, held warmly there

Was another’s grasp; another’s care.

You spoke to me; I looked at you

As usual, not knowing what to do

How did I meet you in my dreams

Only to find this bizarre scene?

You kissed her, then you walked away

There was nothing left to say

Your spirit spoke it loud and clear:

“Do not try to find me here.”

To My Greatest Love:

2008-06-12T21:01:00.000-07:00

Even though I have been silent

These past few days,

Know that I have thought of us.

Know that I have thought of You

--Your truth,

Your Faithfulness,

Your deep care for me.

You never forget,

And that’s what I love so much about You.

You are perfect

And when I surrender to You,

Laying my heart at your feet,

I know

That that’s exactly where I always want to be.

Life, With You

2008-06-12T20:59:00.000-07:00

Life with You is:

Unpredictable, yet constant.

Where the excitement leads, I never really know.

Life with you is:

Sometimes lonely, yet always complete.

It’s not everyone who understands

The need to travel down this path,

But I find,

In this solitude,

Reason for being.

Life with You is:

Vibrant.

Whether deep contrasts of color

Or rich blacks and whites.

No shades of grey.

For shadows are merely dimensions.

Life with You is:

Magical.

If fairy tales have happy endings,

Then ours is “Ever After”.

Life with You is:

The Ultimate Challenge.

As the years go by and I get to know You better,

Your personality,

I realize that our relationship has stood

In spite of obstacles,

Threats,

Persecutions.

Life with You is:

Life that makes one think of destiny.

Purpose.

The meaning of it all.

Life with You is:

Surreal.

The goodness of Your Love

Leaves me at times in awe

That I could be so blessed.

Life with You is:

A party!

Crazy!

Wicked!

Life with You is:

Delicious.

A feast for all my senses.

Each day,

Not just a bite

But a buffet of exquisite cuisine.

Life with You is:

A journey.

Not rushed; not hurried.

Just a journey enjoyed.

And life with You is ALL.

All complete.

All ill ever need.

If there is life after life,

That’s more that what I’m wishing for

If there’s Love after this,

What bliss!

Surrender to You,

To Your mind, to Your Spirit,

Has left me only wanting

Much more than Your kiss.

I love You, Jesus.

A Lover, Lost

2007-11-25T22:53:00.000-08:00

Last night, I dreamt it was your face
Only, we were in another place
And in your hands, held warmly there,
Was another's grasp; another's care.

You eyes pierced mine; I gazed at you
Confused, not knowing what to do
How did I meet you in my dreams
Only to find this bizzare scene?

Tearfully, we parted ways
There was nothing left to say
Your spirit spoke it loud and clear:
"Do not try to find me here."

Evening Rest

2007-07-21T00:29:00.000-07:00

You labour long in the fields where you are needed
But do you hearken to My Voice when I call?
When the sun has set and a brilliant moonlight travels,
Do you cease from work?...Do you come home at all?

You toil all day, and when that day has settled,
Do you make peace with the night by being still?
Or do you insist on striving
To struggle hard, to work, to endlessly till?

My Love, the times and seasons do all matter
And when the night has come, I bid you-- take your rest.
I have seen your labor all this morning
And if tomorrow, you work again, do what is best:

Calm yourself now, and stay awhile
Beneath the shaded olive tree at My feet
I love the way you've pleased me with your service
But more, I need you just to be with Me.

The daylight is for reaping and for harvest
The evening is for simply being still
And by this, you will find strength for tomorrow
By doing this, you'll know what is My Will.

My Will is for you to bring to Me the burdens
Which you have gathered at the task I bid you to
And then, when your tired hands are empty,
My Child, then, just simply bring Me you.

(Inspired by "Foundations of Faith")

Worth to Me

2007-07-07T20:33:00.000-07:00

What are You worth to me, Lord?
What will I pay for You?
What am I willing to exchange?
...What must I do?

I've looked at life
Everything in my world
I've weighed up the balances
Against Your word

And I've decided it is nothing
Compared to what You've given me
I could never repay You
Because I've never made a sacrifice for Thee.

But I'll give You what I have
And everything I own
I give my life back to You
It is Yours, and Yours alone.

What are You worth to me?
What will I pay for You?
It's a small price to say "everything"
And I know what I must do

I will let You have my heart
And not just part, but the whole
You are worth my very life
In exchange for Your Love, Lord, take my soul.

Your Beach

2007-07-07T20:28:00.000-07:00

In quietness,
I walked your beach
In silence there,
I heard my name
As if you were whispering
the tune,
the song,
the low refrain.

In wondering where,
I sought for you
In wondering how
I traced your face
And when the waves reached up to kiss my feet,
I knew you in another place.

In The Shadows

2007-07-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

I seek You in the shadows
For there, I recognize Your Light
Framed by all the Darkness
Illuminating the Night

I seek You in the stillness
In the lonely desert place
For there, I find Your oasis
And there, I know Your Face.

The Secret of Moses

2007-02-21T06:55:00.000-08:00

With the setting of the mountain sun
As it dipped low in the sky,
With the stretching of the clouds that hung
O'er the peaks of Mt. Sinai,
I saw Jehovah in the mist
And then, He spoke His Word
"Be still and know that I am God,"
Was the whisper that I heard.

"Be silent now, and hear Me speak,"
He continued to compose
The notes that made a music piece
Turned the hues to shades of rose
"My desperate Children seek a sign,
freedom from Egypt land
So listen closely as I speak
Of what is in thine hand."

And as I lingered many nights
upon the mountain peak,
I loved to hear the still, small voice
whenever it would speak.
I uttered hardly a single word
I did not need to say
A single thing; a trifle thought
For He taught me how to pray.

--In silence, still, in quietness
in the beauty of the Lord...
There, I found my mountaintop
and He loved me with His Word.

"BUT OF YOUR LOVE"

2007-02-12T23:50:00.000-08:00

I blinked back tears of sheer frustration
The same old story had been told
I'd given another chance to feeling
Wanting to come in from the cold

And when humanness had bade me close
Another chapter of the book,
It seemed the burden crushed down on me
This was a pain I'd overlooked.

Another chance for feeling, I'd dreaded,
I'd hoped my past would up and fly
But it was worse than I'd remembered aching,
And I struggled hard to say goodbye.

I prayed to Heaven, "Do not mock me,
For I have not Faith that You speak of."
"Tis but a test, my Child," said He,
"Not of your strength...but of your Love."

"Of true Love, that is based on giving,
Of true Love that trusts in Me
Of true Love that forgives men's trespasses
Of true Love, that will set you free."

Not of my strength, but of my Love...
Was any left this February day?
One verse lingered in my memory:
"The Lord giveth,
The Lord taketh away."

...And all He does in Love--this mystery--
Our human minds do not fathom still
Yet, I will trust His Grace; His Goodness
Through tear-stained eyes that seek His Will.

"Seek and you will find"...the promise
Of prayers answered from Realms above...

Lord, I have not the strength to journey
But by Your Grace alone, I have the Love.

I Cry For You

2006-11-14T05:12:00.000-08:00

I cry for you
Because you cry
A misty tear
A wondering "Why?"

A soul so tossed
A wind so strong
I wish you'd come home
To where you belong

You stand over the chasm
Longing to fly
Wanting to let go
Aching to die.

I cry for you
Because you can't see
Yet I know you whipser,
"Be there for me."

I'm here, I'm waiting,
I'm crying, too
I wish you'd believe
That my tears are for you.

2006-08-21T04:33:00.000-07:00

You are like intoxication
I suffer from withdrawals
I can go for years without you
Yet barely a second
After knowing you again.

In This

2006-08-01T20:05:00.000-07:00

In this--my weakest moment,
In this--my hour of despair
In this--my last ounce of strength,
I search
...and find YOU there.

In this--my soulful trembling,
In this--my disarray,
In this--my human weakness,
I fall to my knees...
and pray.

In this--my moment of temptation,
In this--my final strand of hope,
In this--my desperation,
I find
...that somehow, I can cope.

In this power I cannot deny
In this strength I've come to know
I have found, it's in that final second
When I determine to NOT LET GO.

OF THIS--Your perfect Love for me,
OF THIS--the Promise that You gave
OF THIS--fulfillment of Your Word
And that
Is when you save.

Sufficient For Me

2006-06-30T21:38:00.001-07:00

The tears cloud my vision; I cannot see
Your Grace is Sufficient for me.

The burdens break down and they shatter my spleen
Your Grace is sufficient for me.

Hailstorms rain down, flooding my soul in a sea
Your Grace is sufficient for me

My heart is torn, it's weak, it's aching
Your Grace is sufficient for me.

Your Grace is sufficient
When I can't even pray
Your Grace is sufficient
When I can't even say
The words, for my tongue has no strength to speak
But Your Grace is sufficient for me.

Why do You give me
Such undeserved Grace?
In the depths of unworthiness,
I hide my face
But You whisper to me,
"My Love, don't you see?
...My Grace is sufficient for thee.

"My Grace is sufficient
It will give you the strength
My Grace is sufficient
It will give your hopes length
Just trust me, My Child,
I promise, you'll see
That My Grace is sufficient for Thee."

Jesus, if I can just
Touch Your hem, I'll believe
That Your Grace is sufficent for me.

2006-06-30T21:38:00.000-07:00

I saw the light defined in you
the shadows fading
the storm clouds replaced with the sun

I saw the unspoken happiness
a prayer linked the scattered pieces
and a new life was begun.

2006-06-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

If I need to start all over again
To wash my face and wake up with the sun,
Then let me at least see it to completion
Let me at least finish what I've begun.

I know another dawn is breaking o'er me
But this night was so much longer than before
And its kept me in a kind of anticipation
And wondering if, after this, is there more?

If I need to start all over again
And take that deep breath I'm longing to,
Then let me at least exhale to find existence
And let me find my spirit's strength in You.

2006-06-30T21:36:00.000-07:00

From the dust of the earth and the mire
From the wounds and the battles of war
Comes a song that is low and steady
One which has not been sung before.

From the pains of death and suffering
From the pangs of childbirth
Springs new life, clearly emerging
And a hope of greater worth.

The song that is sung is music
That one cannot ever know
Until it has been to the darkness
Until it has been down below.

And the life that is borne is sought after
Legends are told of its birth
Heroes are buried with honor
With redemption for Mother Earth.

An Ancient Story

2006-06-30T21:34:00.001-07:00

The struggle up Mount Moriah

was cold; I drew my breath

The wind sang an aria

a solemn song of death.

Behind me walked my child

my only begotten son

The only boy I'd ever loved;

God had granted me only one.

And trudging still, my heart sank low

it seemed I could not even speak

The road that lay before me

made my once joyful spirit weak.

We prepared to make the sacrifice

I prepared to say goodbye

To the one thing in this world I treasured;

the apple of my eye.

My son! Mine only son!

Had not God given him to me?

For what? To take him back again?

My heart wept with misery.

And yet, I lay the stones

and set the wood to burn

And lay my hands upon the boy...

For my heart would never turn

Away from my God, Jehovah,

Who had blessed me with this child

And asked me to offer up Isaac

to go through with this trial.

I remember still the agony

that pierced my heart that day

When I prepared to kill my son;

my treasure give away.

And I remember too, the Hand

that grasped my own trembling one,

And spoke with a radiant Voice:

"Lay not thine hand upon thy son.

For I know now Whom you love

I know where your loyalties lie

You would choose me above all

even if Isaac had to die!"

And he bid me embrace my child,

and release him from the fire,

Then he provided the sacrifice

for my will was what He desired.

My Child, if He asks of you

more than you think you can bear,

Do not give Him just a percentage;

do not call His Love unfair.

For He has fashioned trials

and He will not take second place;

Our God is a jealous God

but He will give you grace

To sacrifice and to let go

what you've been tightly holding to

The very thing that binds your heart

may be what He requires of you.

Give Him your love, your all;

and let Him test your faith in the fire

After obedience come the blessing

and the whole of you is His desire.

You will not be found wanting

you will not be left alone

After you've been to your Moriah

you will come safely home.

The Promise

2006-06-30T21:34:00.000-07:00

He never said it would be easy
He never said there’d be no pain
He never promised it would be perfect
He never said there’d be no rain

He never said the road was well-paved
He never said the skies were always blue
He never promised there’d be no suffering
He never said those things to you.

But what He did say was a promise
What He did say holds true today
The words He spoke before He rose above
And ascended to Heaven that day.

He said, “Lo, I am with you always.”
And that really says it all
Through any thing and any place and any where,
He’s promised no evil shall befall.

Yes, there will be hard times to test our courage
There will be stormy skies and flooding rain
There will be strong turmoil on all sides
But the sweet words of His promise remain.

He will be with us through always
Nothing will ever penetrate His Love
We will face the darkest night because He’s with us
And triumphantly, we too, shall RISE ABOVE!

2006-06-30T21:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I can't live the way You want me
I can't walk on or I will fall
And so I stumble in the darkness
...Or I just don't walk on at all.

Do You hear my heart trembling?
Do You see me when I fall?
Do You know my spirit's bleeding?
...Why do You still call?

Do You trust me for the calling?
Do You trust me for the crown?
I falter at the thought
Of letting You down.

Let my heart beat for this moment
And hold me so I won't fall away
And if You need me, let me still follow
...Call me today.

2006-06-24T22:07:00.000-07:00

In this place where I have come to be
Tormented, tried, and beaten down,
This place that seems a storm-tossed sea
Where waves are thrashing all around,
I find my courage failing...then
In conscience lost, I hear you say:
"Repeat the Words which I have spoken--
Jesus Christ, the same, TODAY."

In my darkened hour, my flood of tears
Seem encompassing, and demons try
To make me sink into their darkness
They tell me I am too weak to fly
And in that second, salvation sweet
Comes to me once more again,
I hear your words: "Repeat after Me--
With God, all things are possible to men."

In the midnight moments I have known
And just before the break of dawn,
In my deepest loneliness,
I feel that somehow, I can go on.
For I have heard you say before,
And I have repeated after you,
"I know Whom I have believed",
And Lord, You have known me, too.

You have known my frailty of heart
You have known the weakness of my flesh
You have known me in my coverings,
And even in my nakedness.
And when Your Word speaks to Me,
I know that through the worst despair,
I'll always have your Promise of
YOU there.

2006-06-12T20:55:00.000-07:00

2006-06-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

Can you trust Me through the trial of the deepest, darkest night?

Can you prevail though the shadows intensify and bid you flight?

Will you seal your Faith with Mine, challenging the demons all to fright?

Their “reality” becomes a myth when you stand up and fight.

Stand up and fight!

Now breaks daylight,

And the dawn you’ve long awaited

Is in your sight

With fear abated,

Soldier…

Stand up and fight!

Can you love Me though you feel Me not, for the wind is cold and grim?

Can you say to yourself, “My only hope is stayed the same on Him”?

If you can rise above the waves, you’ll walk where angels dare not go

And then…you’ll believe, you’ll understand, and finally, you’ll know.

Stand up and fight!

Around is night

But the darkest hour’s almost past

And Satan’s hordes

Are fleeing fast—

Soldier…

Stand up and fight!

2006-06-12T20:40:00.000-07:00

Fly high, little one, above the stormy clouds

They threaten, they attempt to bring you down.

But I will not let the darkness enfold.

Here, you are safe, in this Haven where I hold

You up on the winds and close to Sun

Fly high, fly free, fly to Me, little one.

2006-06-12T20:35:00.000-07:00

Dear God, I am not worthy
To be counted next to You
To be suffering persecution
Given this honor in Your view.

Dear God, I am no hero
Why do You lift me up in love?
Why do You bless me with affliction?
Do You think my heart's this tough?

I am weak, dear Lord...I have failed You
And my courage is fallen low
But if You must, then count me worthy
To go where You did go

To the cross of Calvary
To the mockery of thorns
To the hill where martyrs journey,
There, let me die, to be reborn.

2006-06-12T08:50:00.000-07:00

It searches my soul
To the very depths
It finds no peace
No quiet, no rest
Encompassing all
Of my inner desire
Flickering, burning
Like a strange fire
By day, by night
Its hours are long
Its refrain is sad
An unfinished song.
Then, stabbing me back
With pain untold
It threatens to haunt me
Until I am old
What words may I use
To describe it best?
It has only one title—
One name: Loneliness.

2006-06-12T08:48:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Volume Two of "The Sailor's Daughter".
I'll be reposting some of the older archives, for your easy reference. Enjoy the voyage!